Birthday Blues
by Melchy
Summary: Carolyn's 35th birthday is just around the corner and the last thing she wants to think about is getting older. Will the Captain change her mind?


Thanks to Susan G for a fine edit job! And to Chantal with her help on the lovely French phrase I was able to use. Kathy 
    
    Hectic. That was the word that seemed to define Carolyn Muir's life
    as of late. School was in full swing -- finding Candy in the band and
    the choir. Jonathan was busy with plans for the big history fair in the
    spring and he had been given the lead part in the elementary school
    play. Carolyn herself was busy with the Captain's memoirs and was
    trying to talk Mark Finley into letting her write a column for the SBB.
    They were 'in negotiations', which sounded good, until she remembered
    that they had been for almost six months now. Another factor was the
    steady flow of magazine articles she must maintain for them to pay the
    "pitiful rent," as Claymore called it, and feed and clothe themselves in
    warmth and light.
    Martha was a gem, keeping up with the schedules of everyone, and more
    than once reminding Carolyn about a parent/teacher conference, or that
    one of the children needed to picked up from something or the other. But
    even Martha was busy, having been voted secretary of her ladies' club
    and Ed Peavy was popping up more than usual of late.
    But through it all, Carolyn found one thing always constant, and that
    was her weekly time for Madeira with Captain Gregg. She knew if it
    wasn't for that one hour a week when she could sit down beside him, sip
    her drink and listen to him tell stories about his life, she would go
    crazy. That's all there was to it. And lately he had been asking her
    about her life -- both the past and present. It was nice to have someone
    to tell things to.
    But lately even that had had to be put on hold as it seemed she had
    always had to do something. The offer to do a series of magazine
    articles on Maine's ship building past was a wonderful break and meant a
    nice bit of money but it also meant a lot more time in the library and
    even two trips to the Capital to go throughout the state archives. And
    to complicate things even more, longer ago than she liked to think
    about, they had discovered that the Captain could physically touch.
    Since then, there had been fleeting touches, fingers brushing against
    one another as they
    passed paper back and forth, her shoulder rubbing his arm as they passed
    in the hallway, her hand resting on his as he leaned upon her desk. They
    could find reasons to touch, but each was so small, almost as though it
    hadn't happened.
    And now to top it all off, Friday was her birthday. And she was going
    to be 35. 35! It didn't seem possible. It sounded so old. There were
    times when she felt old but overall she was pretty satisfied with how
    she looked. But it was more than just a few wrinkles and gray hair. Had
    she really, really accomplished anything in her life? Was she doing well
    for her age? 35! Maybe on Friday she could take the evening off and at
    least spend her birthday with the family. That would be nice. As far as
    she knew, there weren't any school programs or an article that had to be
    done right away. Any day now, the kids should start hinting about what
    she might like and she would tell them she didn't want anything and they
    would just nod and say: yes, Mom. It would be nice to have some time
    to spend with her family. And maybe it would help her to forget about
    the fact that she was only five years away from 40 and she still felt
    like a child half the time. She was still waiting to see what she wanted
    to do when she grew up.
    Letting out a huge sigh, she rested her head on her hands and closed
    her eyes. It was almost noon and she had so much to do. It didn't look
    like she was going to make it to Madeira again today. "Blast." She let
    the tears fall down on the desk.
    "What's the matter, my dear?" His voice was as warm as his hands that
    were gently kneading the back of her neck.
    "I'm old," she sniffed. "And I have so much to do. I just feel like I
    can't get out of the hole I'm in. I just want a break."
    "That's understandable," he soothed. "You have been running around a
    whirlwind lately. Is there anything I can do?"
    "I'm afraid not. And I'm going to have to cancel our afternoon again
    today. I'm sorry. And that feels good by the way."
    "I understand." He gave out a small sigh of his own. "And I'm glad I
    can be of service. I have been told I have amazing hands."
    "I can just imagine. ' she thought before reaching up to lay one of
    her hands on his. "I would like for you to do that all day but I really
    do have to go. I'm supposed to meet Mrs. Post and Mrs. Shoemaker for
    lunch to discuss the winter dance they want to give the kids."
    He helped her up, drawing her close to him and she wished she could
    stay there forever. Placing her hands on his shoulders, she felt the
    hard muscle underneath and wished she had more time to think about it,
    do something about it. She held her breath as he bent his head toward
    hers and thrilled to the touch of his lips on hers. If only there was
    more time...
    The phone rang and she groaned. Maybe it wouldn't be for her.
    "Mrs. Muir, telephone! " Martha called up the stairs.
    "Just my luck," she said, leaving the shelter of his arms. "Hello?"
    ********************
    She didn't get home until late that night, going in to kiss the kids
    good night before collapsing into her own bed. The next day wasn't much
    better and Thursday was even worse. She had spent most of that day
    trapped in a city council meeting (she might as well have won that
    election -- she was here most of the time anyway) dealing with what the
    community should do for Christmas and they had kept asking her questions
    that she needed to answer. Her mind should have been on her article but
    it had been back in Gull Cottage where that morning she had been
    awakened with a kiss and the gentle touch of Daniel Gregg's hands only
    to be interrupted by yet another phone call.
    And then, when she arrived home, no one seemed to notice that she had
    been gone. No, "welcome home, Mom," no dinner waiting for her. Usually
    Daniel fussed when she came home late and worked too hard. He had just
    merely said he was glad she was home and would she please excuse him.
    'That's a far cry from this morning,' she thought. She had to go
    looking for her kids, whom she found in their rooms, the door shut and
    she was met with "please shut the door, Mom." Martha apologized for not
    having any dinner left since she had been sure Carolyn had told her she
    would be eating in town, but she could whip together some eggs or
    something.
    While Carolyn ate the omelet that Martha sat before her, she tried to
    formulate an ending to the article that was waiting upstairs for her. If
    she could finish that tonight, then she could take the whole day off
    tomorrow. And right now she couldn't think of anything lovelier than
    sleeping until she woke up and then lying drowsily in the winter sun,
    listening to the world going on around her.
    "Oh, I almost forgot to tell you." Martha came back into the kitchen,
    from her room. "A Mr. Hastings called for you. He said to remind you
    about meeting him in Bangor tomorrow at the library. And he would really
    appreciate it if you come at 10:00 instead of noon."
    Carolyn didn't say the words she wanted to, settling for a frustrated
    "blast" instead. She HAD forgotten all about Mr. Hastings, but there was
    no way she could cancel. His family had been the premier shipbuilders in
    the state at one time, and he had research material she desperately
    needed. He would be loaning her a wealth of information and it was
    imperative she meet with him, birthday or not.
    "Well, since that means getting up at 6:00 to leave here at 8:00,
    instead of two hours later than I had planned, I better get myself
    upstairs and finish my article right away. I don't want it waiting for
    me when I get back."
    She had been hoping to find the Captain and spend a little time with
    him first. They hadn't talked all day. But such was life.
    "What time do you think you will be getting back tomorrow?" Martha
    asked nonchalantly.
    "Not any later than 3:00, I hope. I'm still determined to make my
    4:00 appointment with the Captain."
    "It's been a while since you've had any time together," the
    housekeeper said wisely. "And I'm sure it's even more important now."
    Carolyn looked up startled. "How did you..." she began.
    "I live here too, Mrs. Muir." The older woman smiled. "Don't think I
    haven't noticed the way the two of you go out of your way to try to make
    some sort of contact. I have never in my life seen as much passing of
    the salt as has gone on at this dinner table in the last three weeks or
    so."
    Carolyn smiled, hoping she wasn't blushing. "I better go work on my
    article. The omelet was delicious." She laid a kiss on the older woman's
    cheek before heading upstairs.
    After making sure Carolyn had left the kitchen, Captain Gregg
    materialized into her now empty chair. "You are a very perceptive woman
    Martha." He gave his head a bow in her direction.
    "Have we really been that obvious?"
    "As obvious as the fact that you love one another. A person would
    have to be blind not to see it. I may be getting up in years, but I can
    still sniff out a good romance when I see one. And to think it all
    happened without the benefit of touch."
    He nodded, liking the truth of her words.
    "But anyway, if she really does get home at 3:00 I think we can work
    with that," the housekeeper continued. "Ed and Claymore will be here at
    6:00 and I plan to have dinner ready by 6:30. Ed says he will bring the
    rocking chair with him, and will keep it on his truck. So we can give
    that to her after dinner and the cake and all. My present is almost
    ready, how is yours coming along?"
    "I might need your assistance, Martha," He turned to face her. "I'm
    having trouble getting the picture just right."
    "I can take a look at it," she told him. "And Candy and Jonathan say
    their present is done and all they have to do is wrap it."
    "Sounds good to me. And I don't think she suspects a thing."
    "Neither do I. She really needs some fun after the hectic few months
    she's had."
    "Would it be easier, Martha, if I cancelled our Madeira time
    tomorrow? I could think of
    something."
    "No, I'd say you both need that. That stays."
    "Thank-you," he said with heartfelt devotion before leaving the room
    in the same way he came.
    "I wish I could do that." Martha laughed as she made her way back to
    her room. Tomorrow should be quite the day.
    ********************
    "Mrs. Muir. Carolyn, my dear."
    Carolyn opened one eye and then the other wondering if someone was
    really calling her name or was it part of a dream. And if she was asleep
    then, why was she so uncomfortable?
    "Carolyn, you need to get up. You need to get in bed. This is no
    place to sleep."
    It was then that she saw she had fallen asleep at her typewriter and
    that the Captain was
    standing beside her, his hand resting on her shoulder. "Come one
    darling," he said softly. "You still have a few hours to sleep."
    "Darling?" she couldn't help but ask, a giddy feeling going through
    her, her heart racing.
    He gave her an adoring look. "Come on, you have a mark on your face
    from the typewriter keys."
    Carolyn tried to get out of the chair, finding her whole backside had
    gone to sleep and she couldn't really move.
    "Here." he said gently, "put your arms around my neck." She did as
    she was told, his strong hands going to her waist and picking her up
    against him. He gathered her up to his chest, holding her as though she
    were a baby.
    "Thank-you," she managed, overwhelmed at the feel of him, taking in
    his very essence.
    He touched her face, stroking the soft skin, memorizing every part.
    His mouth came down to hers and they met in a kiss full of passion and
    power. She breathed his name and she heard him make a sound like
    exhaling.
    "Into bed with you," he said, all of a sudden practical. He sat her
    on the edge of the bed, laying a kiss on her forehead before
    disappearing into the night.
    ***********************
    Carolyn drove through the gloomy fog, for two hours, to Bangor,
    feeling sorry for herself. No one, repeat no one, had said good morning
    to her, let alone Happy Birthday. The fact that she had gotten out of
    bed at 6:00 and dragged herself into the bathroom and then downstairs
    with not a smile for anyone, she was totally ignoring. She didn't want
    to do this. She wanted to lie in bed until she wanted to get up, eat a
    breakfast of what she wanted to eat and then spend the entire day doing
    what she felt like. It was a selfish wish, but it was her birthday, her
    35th birthday and just for once she wanted to be babied and pampered and
    spoiled.
    She pulled up in front of the Bangor Library and parked the car,
    gathering her purse and notebook and went in to talk to Mr. Hastings.
    "You should be happy, Carolyn," she scolded herself "Getting an
    interview with Mr. Hastings is a dream come true. And he has promised to
    let you actually borrow some of the documents for as long as you need
    them."
    But the only thing she could think of as she sat listening to the man
    was why had no one wished her a happy birthday. They could have left her
    a card, for heaven's sake. That would be have been a little thing, but
    so nice.
    "Mrs. Muir?" Mr. Hastings touched her hand and she looked up at him
    apologetically.
    "I'm sorry, Mr. Hastings, I'm afraid I didn't get much sleep last
    night."
    "You do look tired," the man agreed. "Why don't we go and get a cup
    of coffee and do our talking in a more congenial place?"
    After her second cup of coffee, she did begin to feel better and
    actually felt a little more
    confident about the day, gloomy though it was. Mr. Hastings was a very
    interesting man, but not quite interesting enough to hold her complete
    attention. 'The children had been asleep this morning,' she reminded
    herself. 'But still, couldn't they have just said Happy Birthday?' The
    Captain had wished her a safe trip, and right before she left he had led
    her behind the Monkey-Puzzle tree and had given her a kiss, but there
    had been no mention of her birthday. Not that the kiss wasn't better,
    but . . .
    'Why do you care so much?' she asked herself when her companion
    excused himself to go to the men's room. 'You've been having a birthday
    every year now, this one is no different.' But it was somehow.
    Mr. Hastings insisted on taking her to lunch and she accepted his
    offer. He was a handsome man in his mid 40's with dark wavy hair and
    brown eyes that looked like melted sugar. His accent was very pronounced
    and clipped and extremely charming. She could just see the Captain
    puffing with jealousy and it made her smile.
    "That certainly made my day," her companion said. "I hope that Mr.
    Muir takes advantage of that smile often," he added, but not in a flirty
    way, just matter-of-factly.
    "I'm a widow, Mr. Hastings." She smiled again.
    "I'm very sorry to hear that," he said, truly meaning it. "The man
    who could make you smile everyday would have pure sunshine. I feel sorry
    for Mr. Muir that he no longer can enjoy it."
    She started to say something but decided against it. It was nice to
    hear that she was attractive when she was feeling so old. They went to
    a small cafe for lunch just down the block from the library. While
    there, he told her about his children and his travels and once more told
    her how thrilled he was that she was including in his family in her
    series of articles.
    On her way back to the car, she passed a department store and decided
    to go in. It was her birthday after all. Passing on the dress she saw
    in the window, she did splurge and buy a box of
    chocolates, some honeysuckle scented bath oil and a couple of magazines
    that promised her she could lose weight or have better skin in just 10
    days. It had been so long since she had had time for nonsense reading,
    it might be fun. Picking up a candy bar for each of the kids, she got in
    line awaiting her turn when she saw a magazine headline glaring at her.
    Ten Surefire Ways to Turn Your Man On. These Cannot Miss!
    She couldn't stop her hand from reaching over and picking it up. But
    she wasn't going to read it. Everyone knew this was pure trash but had
    to admit it was fun to read even with all the discussion of how to make
    him "hot for you." and "what a man really wants." She had a sudden
    desire to go into the lingerie department, realizing that she had never
    bought anything "sexy" for herself before. Even her honeymoon outfit
    Bobby had picked out. And while she liked the things she had, she was
    seeing ones she preferred and knew he would have never gotten.
    She was almost to the back of the store before she turned around and
    came back to her place in line. Maybe someday but not now. This wasn't
    the time, not now.
    It was almost 1:30 before she left Bangor and even closer to 3:30
    when she pulled up in front of Gull Cottage. The house looked quiet even
    from the car and she couldn't help but wonder if anyone would remember
    it was her birthday. She shouldn't care so much, but she did.
    "Hello?" She entered the house, her voice seeming to echo back on the
    emptiness. Going upstairs to her room, she laid her packages down on
    the bed and looked at herself in the mirror. 'I look 35 today' she
    groaned. Leaning over, she took inventory of her face; noticing wrinkles
    she swore had not been there before. Had she always had those bags under
    her eyes? If those were laugh lines, she wasn't laughing.
    The clock over the mantle struck 4:00 and it made her jump. "If you
    hadn't had to brood over your appearance you could have changed your
    clothes at least, Carolyn" she scolded herself. "And now you will have
    to go up there as is." Patting her hair down, she tucked in her blouse
    and straightened her skirt. She got half way out the door, before she
    remembered she had kicked off her shoes and came back for them. Surely
    after almost two years he would be used to seeing her
    dressed in a lot of different outfits. And this one would have to do.
    She felt nervous today for some reason and she told herself it was
    silly. Just because this was the first Madeira time they had been able
    to have since their relationship had changed, didn't mean she should be
    nervous. "Calm yourself," she commanded her heart before reaching out to
    knock on the door.
    The door opened before she could knock and she gasped at the Captain
    she saw standing there waiting for her. His usual outfit was gone and
    had been replaced with a pair of trim fitting black pants with a white
    shirt that showed off his muscles to their advantage. The collar was
    open showing just enough of his chest to make her wish she could see
    more of it.
    "Happy birthday, my darling Carolyn." He handed her a glass of the
    amber Madeira.
    She took the goblet with shaking hands, tears coming faster then she
    could blink them back. Managing a "thank you," she took a drink,
    noticing the way he was looking at her. Approaching her, he took the
    glass away from her and she didn't notice what he did with it. She was
    only aware of his arms going around her, his lips brushing against hers.
    "Did you think I had forgotten?"
    He wiped her tears with the back of his hand, his caress warm. "Smile
    for me," he whispered and she couldn't help but do so.
    "If that is the closest to heaven I ever get I will be satisfied," he
    told her, before placing a kiss on her mouth. The kiss grew as her hands
    went up to his face, bringing him closer. He tasted her with a hunger
    that made her own desire grow. Gently his hands pulled through her hair,
    pushing her to him.
    She sighed with happiness when he left her lips to trail kisses down
    her neck. "Will you allow me to tell me just how much I love you?" he
    asked, his breath warm against her skin. "I've wanted to tell you from
    the moment we met, what you mean to me. Forgive me that it took me so
    long to confess the news."
    With a smile that was only for him, she placed a hand on his hair.
    "I forgive you." she sighed, "If you will give me the same courtesy."
    "Did you fall in love with me at that same moment?" He raised his
    eyebrows at her.
    "Not quite, " she said solemnly and he moved his head to stare down
    into her eyes. "It was the minute I saw your portrait. I knew then
    that my life would never be the same."
    "Oh, my dear!" his voice was heavy with passion. They shared an
    earnest kiss.
    Sitting down on the loveseat, they sipped their Madeira and discussed
    his past and her future and even indulged in a bit of "their future."
    "I'm feeling silly about how upset I was earlier," she confided to
    him. "But I was so sure
    everyone had forgotten me. This is the best birthday I've ever had,"
    she told him as they moved closer together on the settee. "I can't
    remember one I've enjoyed so much."
    "I can't believe you thought I'd forgotten," he ran a hand through
    her hair. "I believe I told you once that elephants and ghosts never
    forget."
    "I think you did mention it once," she giggled, glad the space
    between them was barely existent. It had been a very long time since she
    has sat this close to someone, her hand companionably in his. "I suppose
    we better go down now." She groaned as the small clock he kept in the
    attic chimed at quarter after the hour of 5:00.
    "I'm actually supposed to keep you up here until 6:00," he admitted.
    "But I can't tell you why."
    "I'm having a party?" her green eyes sparkling with the idea.
    "Really?"
    "Just remember I'm not the one who told you."
    She walked down to the master bedroom about a quarter to, gathering
    up a favorite dress and making a quick toilet for herself in the
    bathroom. When she arrived downstairs at five minutes past the hour in
    answer to Candy's calling, everyone began to clap and Carolyn couldn't
    help but blush. They had a meal of her favorite food, which was
    followed by a cake of deep rich chocolate and ice-cream.
    "Time for presents!" Jonathan called out as excited as though they
    were for him, and the children made the Captain cover their mother's
    eyes as he led her into the front room.
    "Since you can touch and everything and you are the tallest." Candy
    said wisely.
    "How did you know . . .?" the seaman couldn't help but ask and the
    kids looked up at him.
    "We live here, too. We don't get it, but you and Mom are always
    trying to touch one another." Jonathan laughed.
    When Daniel uncovered her eyes, Carolyn gasped at the rocking chair
    sitting by the fireplace and tears began to sparkle in her eyes. "Oh,
    this is too much," she protested but Martha told her to sit in it or she
    would take it for herself. Carolyn did sink down in the smooth polished
    wood of the rocker, touching it with affection.
    "How did you know I wanted one?" she asked no one in particular,
    caressing the wood.
    "As long as I've known you, Mrs. Muir, you've wanted a rocking
    chair."
    "But I've never asked for one!" she exclaimed.
    "You did. Silently. Every time we went into a store or looked at a
    catalog, it's the first thing you would head for. So Ed and I thought we
    should get you one."
    "Ed and you?" Carolyn didn't miss the significance of that statement,
    or the red flush on the housekeeper's face. "Is Ed coming later for some
    cake?"
    "He had to go back into town, didn't say why. But he is coming back
    around 9:00 and said he wanted to take the children and me to a late
    movie."
    "Oh, Martha, that's much too late . . ." Carolyn began, but then
    looked up at Daniel and nodded. "But it is Friday."
    "Yay!" Candy and Jonathan cheered.
    "Ready for more presents?" Jonathan asked.
    "This one is from me and Jonathan." Candy handed her a heavy gift and
    Carolyn unwrapped it carefully. "We made it ourselves."
    It was an old whiskey bottle in the form of two masted schooner and
    they had cleaned it up and turned it into a lamp. "Oh Candy, Jonathan!"
    she exclaimed, the tears threatening again.
    Claymore presented her with a small gift and she thanked him with a
    kiss on the cheek and whispered to him to not be worried about the
    Captain's new ability. And then everyone grew quiet as Daniel Gregg
    gave her his gift with a happy birthday and a silent 'I love you'. She
    opened the hinged box slowly, her hands trembling as she saw the golden
    chain come into view.
    "Oh, Daniel . . ." she whispered as she pulled the locket out of the
    box. It was a gold oval on a smooth chain, small, but elegant. She
    opened the tiny knob on the side and was rewarded with a picture of the
    Captain on the one side. "I've never seen this one before," she looked
    up at him, questions in her eyes, but he only smiled.
    "Something I had hidden away. Martha helped me fit it to the locket."
    Looking at the other side, she saw the picture of her taken at
    Centennial Days last year when she and the kids had dressed up in the
    old fashioned costumes and had their picture taken. She had been taken
    from the photo and placed in the locket, her hair longer than now, the
    lace collar of the dress high on her neck and she thought the two of
    them looked perfect together.
    "Turn it over, " he told her, "there's something on the back. Just a
    sentiment."
    She did as she was told, her breath catching in her throat at the
    words she saw there. 'Je t'aime, reine de mon coeur ' her voice
    managed to say the words.
    "Oh, Daniel, It's lovely," she told him. "Thank-you so much, " and
    then she surprised everyone including herself by rising up out of the
    rocking chair and throwing her arms around him.
    "It must mean something good!" Candy said to Jonathan who nodded in
    agreement. It was so nice seeing Mom this happy.
    "It means 'I love you, queen of my heart.'" Claymore said, surprising
    everyone with his knowledge of the foreign language.
    Daniel held Carolyn close for several minutes, love shining from his
    eyes and everyone held their breath, afraid to spoil the moment.
    "Well, Claymore, why don't you help me make some coffee?" Martha soon
    broke the spell. "And we will make some hot chocolate, and wait for Ed
    to come and let the birthday girl have some time to herself."
    "I'd like to say something first, " Carolyn turned to face everyone.
    "If you could all stay just a minute longer." Everyone nodded and she
    smiled. "I have to admit, I've been pretty harried lately and if I've
    taken it out on any of you, I'm very sorry. And I was feeling quite
    sorry for myself today, thinking that no one had remembered my birthday.
    Not to mention I was feeling very old. And I really thought that no one
    cared. I should have known better. This is the best birthday I have
    ever had. And I love you all."
    Later that night after Carolyn and Daniel had spent a nice quiet
    evening talking beside a crackling fire, he told her he hoped that
    things would be a little less hectic for her in the future.
    "I don't know about that," she sighed. "I have a feeling it will be
    a lot worse before it gets better. But at least I know one thing . . ."
    "What, if I may ask?" he reached a hand to touch her face, stroking
    her cheek with his work-worn fingers.
    "My family is a sure cure for the birthday blues."


End file.
